Companion to Nicole’s profile, this is my twisted take on Gideon’s about me:
…6 weeks before the events of “The Monster Within” in what Tomahawk calls an apartment…
Normally Spitfire wouldn’t go anywhere near a door that was ajar in a building that would have to be renovated to qualify as a shit hole, but this was Tomahawk he was dealing with, and with Tomahawk anything went. “Uh, Tom, you in here man?” He shouted as he used the very tips of his fingers to cautiously push the door open.”
“Back here!” Came the shouted reply, in Tomahawk’s voice, from the furthest corner of the gloom.
Picking his way past debris he didn’t really want to identify he couldn’t quite keep his thoughts to himself. “Dude, this place is disgusting, how can you live like this?”
“Hey, I’ve bunked with you man… you’re not exactly Mister fucking Clean.”
“That was when we were living in less than hospitable conditions with the constant fear of death hanging over our heads. Out here in the real world I prefer to not live in filth.” He didn’t bother to add that there was not clean, and then there was whatever this classified as. Tom would just take it personally and the last thing this place needed was a fight.
Luckily he was saved from further comment by the one person even Tom could never get mad at. Well, could never stay mad at. “Hey Tomah… oh God, did something die in here?”
With a sneer, that Spitfire was now close enough to see, Tom gave his frumpy reply. “When did you all become such girls?”
Ignoring the jibe, Spitfire asked, “you called Icarus too? What the hell do you need help with?” He left off the “other than cleaning” from the end. Judging from the look of horror on Icarus’s face it wasn’t needed.
“Computers broken.” He gestured vaguely towards something that might have been a computer. If you squinted.
Which Spitfire was doing as he tried to assess just what kind of mess Tom had gotten him into now. “What do you mean broken?” Icarus didn’t wait for an answer, gingerly walking towards the computer on his tip toes before sitting in what was probably a computer chair as carefully as possible.
“I mean it doesn’t work. It’s fucking broken.”
“Yes but broken how?”
By this point Icarus must have had some luck powering up the computer, because he suddenly gasped and practically jumped from the chair. “What did you do?” He shouted at the other man.
“Nothing!” It was the same tone he always used when he’d fucked something up royally. Even if he didn’t know exactly how he’d fucked up.
“What did he do?” Spitfire inquired.
Whatever it was, it was bad enough that Icarus seemed hesitant to actually touch the keyboard. “Well he downloaded every piece of disease infested porn he could find for starters.”
“What do you mean diseased? They looked healthy enough to me.”
“Not the girls you idiot, the files. You have more spy and malware than should be possible. In fact, I don’t even think you have an operating system anymore, I think it’s just a massive virus.” Kind of like everything else in this room.
“Can you fix it?” Tomahawk asked, wringing his hands and looking between Icarus and Spitfire. He always did this. He would always get defense and then get sheepish. And like the idiots that they all were, the rest of his squad brothers would always bail him out.
“I can firebomb it…” Or, you know, maybe their most amenable brother would finally choose now to put his foot down.
“Damn it!” Tom said as he collapsed to the floor. What was hopefully harmless dust and not malignant spores flew wildly due to the impact.
“What were you trying to do anyways?” Spitfire asked, if for no other reason that because the thought of spores was causing his throat to close up.
“Get Gideon laid.” Tom said to the floor. And even though he missed the twin looks of confused shock that Spitfire and Icarus gave that statement, he followed up with “don’t look at me like that,” all the same. “Guy needs to bust a nut before he busts a blood vessel in his brain and dies.”
“Like that’s really a thing.” Icarus snorted and elbowed Spitfire.
So it clearly shocked the smaller man when Spitfire backed Tom up. “Actually, he makes a good point. Gideon has been a bit stressed lately.”
“And getting laid will fix that?” Icarus asked rhetorically.
This time it was Tom who was acting as Spitfire’s twin when they answered the question Icarus clearly felt deserved no answer with a deadpan “yes.”
Tomahawk finished the thought on his own though, bolstered some by the unexpected support. “So the way I see it we have two options. One: get him an escort.”
“That’ll go over about as well as a fart in church.” Spitfire interrupted.
“Exactly! Which brings me to option two.” He was clearly more excited now, as he gestured to his diseased computer.
“Oh please don’t tell me you’ve figured out a way to actually have sex with your computer.” Icarus asked as he backed away even further.
“Don’t be an idiot,” Tom pouted, “it’s what’s on the computer.”
“The porn?” It must have been spores that Tom kicked up… because this conversation was making less sense by the minute.”
“No! It’s the… do either of you have a lab top or something? It’s easier if I show you.”
“A lab top?” Icarus said in the way that all computer geniuses do when they’re faced with people who can’t even double click a mouse.
“Yeah… you know, one of those little computers you use at coffee shops.”
“It’s not a…” Icarus started, but before he could work up a good head of “this is what a computer is and how it works” steam, Spitfire stopped him.
“Don’t. Just don’t. I’ve got one.” He pulled his own laptop from its bag and looked around, suddenly questioning if he should’ve insisted on heading to a coffee shop for this part of the demonstration. Before he could voice the thought though, Tom had swipped the laptop from his clutches and walked over a door that was being supported by cinderblocks to form the world’s shittiest table. Without needing help he powered up the laptop and typed in a few commands before turning the screen around to face his two friends.
Spitfire was going to question how the other man, who so recently acted as if he knew nothing about computers, knew how to get that far, but he glimpsed at the screen. Then he did a double take. It was a good thing he hadn’t been drinking at the time, or it would’ve been a spit take instead. Actually, assessing what was on the screen carefully he came to realize it wasn’t such a good thing that he didn’t have a drink. Or seven. “You didn’t.”
“This is a good idea.” Tom said in a matter-of-fact voice.
“No, it’s really not. Gideon is going to kill you. Painfully. Probably by removing your scrotum by force and shoving it down your windpipe.” And Spitfire knew just who would be joining him if they did not leave right now.
“Is that even possible?” Icarus asked, instead of fleeing like he should have.
“Gideon would find a way.” Spitfire considered taking his laptop, but it was too late for the device. It had been compromised by Tom’s scheme and would now incur his wrath.
“No not that. That!” He pointed at the screen, but Spitfire wouldn’t look. He refused to be any more a part of this than he already had been.
“Of course it is.” Tom said as he ruffled Icarus’s hair. Spitfire looked. And then Spitfire sighed. Crap… he was going down with the ship now, because there was no way he was letting Tom leave that on there.
“Yeah, but a) that isn’t how you spell it and b) that’s not something you can just ask a stranger for…”
“Are you sure?” Tom asked, as if he walked around asking strangers for something so obscene all the time. Actually, he probably did.
“But it would weed out so many people…” Tom argued.
“Yeah, like all of them.” Spitfire retorted. “Icarus, back me up on this one.”
“I’m still not sure physics would allow it.” He said as he tipped his head to the side. Like his mind just needed to be at a different angle and then this would make sense. Spitfire just pinched the bridge of his nose.
Tom slapped him on the back so hard the smaller man rocked forward. “Stick with me kid and I’ll show you that physics have no place in the bedroom.”
“Not literally with you though, right? I mean I like you and all, dude… but not like that.”
“How about we just focus on fixing this.” Spitfire interjected. No way was he taking that chance.
“So you’re in?”
“If it’s fix this or picture the two of you having inventive sex here on this disgusting floor? Yeah, I’m in… So… what does Gideon like again?”
Where finding love is magical
Name: Gideon Evans
Former military man (with heroic looking scars) looking for someone to spend some time with. Never married, has own apartment, and can cook. Has a dark sense of humor. A woman with a sense of adventure and flexibility a plus.
Likes: Moonlit walks, urban climbing.
Dislikes: Clutter, dogs.