Instead of me trying to explain the complex mess of emotions (that somehow my super awesome boss and even more awesome husband were able to sum up in seconds because they get me, they just get me) I’ll use this visual aid:
And because I can’t help myself from talking to fill up even virtual silence when I’m this… whatever the hell I am… let me try and explain. No matter what happens Tuesday -if I’m a failure, if I’m a huge success, if the book sells a decent amount, anything- than things have changed. I’m taking a huge risk putting myself out there, and even if nothing changes than something has changed because I expected something to change and it didn’t.
I have expectations for Tuesday. Those expectations sway depending on my confidence at any given moment, but they’re still expectations and there still there. No matter what, this is the before, and Wednesday will be the after. How the hell am I supposed to handle this?
And yes, I do realize -when I allow my rational functioning brain to kick in- that by Thursday I’ll have forgotten every piece of this insanity and instead be wondering what it will mean for my character to hit 90 in WoW… but that’s the way the human brain works. Or how my brain works at any rate. Isn’t it marvelous.
STRUNG-OUT! That’s the term I was looking for. I’m strung-out.
I should make a countdown playlist.